Monday, June 17, 2013

She was once motivated, but lost it.....

Three and a half years ago I was motivated to become healthier.  I chronicled part of my journey, and spoke about my losses, too: a friend who died at age 40 and my cousin who never made it to 40.  This was the year I turned 40 and I wanted to do something for myself that was good and healthy.

It began one fall evening when I cleaned up an area in the basement, set up our treadmill, and from there a workout area where I could do my Jillian Michaels' workouts, and run on the treadmill.  It continued on from there.  I got involved in running, and did my first 5K ever that spring.  This was the start of a healthy year-and-a-half.  I was healthy, fit, and happy.  I had clothes that were actually too big for me, and I was running regularly.

One school break I caught pneumonia.  My oldest stepson had it, then my youngest stepson and me.  We were eating lunch waiting for him to be able to get his X-Ray done for his lungs when I began shivering uncontrollably.  I can't remember ever being so sick in my life!  It truly debilitated me to the point that I went a long time without working out.  I was sent for a breathing test and was happy to find out that there was no damage done to my lungs.  The thing is the real issue wasn't my breathing like I thought.  I lost my motivation.  

I've tried periodically to get back to the workouts, but it's just not there.  I've tried just walking, like I've done before, but even though I have the desire to run, I can't get myself to commit to it.  

I've wanted to do a workout in the morning, but lately the morning is when I hurt the most.  At 43, I guess my body has caught up with my age.....or something like that.  I've developed Morton's Neuroma under my right foot, so finding the footwear and treatment to allow me to even walk normal without pain is a challenge.  

No matter how true my pain and discomfort may be, I can't help but feel like they're only excuses, and it frustrates me.  I hate having a spare tire, my once "too big" pants too tight, and not having clothes that fit me well.  At all.  I only have one pair of shorts I can wear, and it's because I just bought them this spring.  Let's just say that I'm not feeling so much like my best, and I know I need to do something about it.  I just wish I knew where to find my motivation again. 

It's almost like reinventing myself, I just don't know how to do it or into what.

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