It being within a week of our first days of the new school year, I find myself questioning my devotion to the teaching profession. I guess all teachers go through this at different stages of their careers, during the highs and the lows, and the in-betweens. But, I became concerned about my lack of enthusiasm for the new school year, when in the past I was counting down the days.

At the end of the last school year, we left with the knowledge that there was a possibility that jobs could get cut, and that I could be on that list. I've struggled mentally, emotionally, and in my faith to deal with that possibility. Twice, our budget didn't pass in the town referendum, which now leaves us hanging. To top it all off, our superintendent, who we hired with a 5 year contract, has left for another job closer to home. This time, a permanent super didn't leave because of town politics, but because of personal reasons. But now, at the beginning of a new school year, we have no budget and no super.

Last week, I began going back to school to prepare my room, but found that I was struggling to get on track. Why? In the past, I was there, fully aware of what I wanted to accomplish each time I went. I didn't feel motivated at all. I basically had to make myself go at some point. This worried me a lot.

Why was I lacking my enthusiasm? Could it have been because we didn't have much of a summer with all of the rain? Did I not enjoy the kids anymore? Did some of the negative experiences from the year before ruin my enjoyment of teaching? Why was I struggling like this? It finally made sense to me this week.

I had to go to town before going to school to pick up some last minute school supplies at the store. I ran into a couple of my former students and one who I'll be teaching this year, and I felt that wave and twinge of excitement that I usually get when I see the school supplies come on sale each fall. That feeling of excitement mixed with butterflies that makes me catch my breath and want to skip over to the notebooks and pens to buy some, whether I need a new one or not. It's comparable to the feeling a child gets on Christmas morning, or Easter when they look for the hidden eggs, or their birthday knowing their party will be that night. The child in me comes out a bit and I get that excited feeling that this year will be better; I'll reach all of the kids and accomplish everything I had hoped for.

Once I stopped at the main office at school, the cloud of the school and town politics loomed above. I could feel it when I walked in and that's when it occurred to me; it's not the kids or my job as a teacher that's making it hard for me to be motivated for the new year, it's the politics. I love my students, even the tough ones, and I enjoy seeing them during the summer and breaks. On the first days of school I get a rush of excitement that I'll see my students again, and dread the loss of the 8th graders on the last days of school.

Please don't get me wrong. As an educator, I understand that it's important to be involved and know what's going on around you, in your local communities and your world. However, I also know my limitations and what my stressors are. Politics, to me, is a negative thing, with all of the backstabbing, lying and cheating going on, and it's exhausting. I can't seem to wrap my head around a lot of the jargon and policies that are attached to politics. Politics for me is something that creates more stress than anything else that's tied to the teaching profession. Hearing the rumors and listening to everyone's fears as they talk in a hush in the teacher's room and halls, although I have to admit I had let myself get caught up in it last spring, just makes things worse and becomes too much of a distraction.

Although I agree that it's important to get involved, it's equally important to separate the politics from the classroom. The kids feel it and I want them to have a positive experience rather than a stressful one. School doesn't need to be stressful, for either the students or the teachers, at least not in the sense of politics getting in the way.

So...I've decided to put on my blinders as of now, walk into my classroom when next Wednesday comes, and focus on the kids and how much I enjoy teaching them. There's a time and place for everything, but the classroom is not the place for this kind of politics.