Jinxed myself....

I tend to jinx myself a lot.  In my last post I talked about how I was on a streak of several days without stopping.  I was either walking or running.  Well, needless to say, I broke my streak after that.  My family and I did things that weekend, the weekend before school started back, and then life got busy.

I work about 25 minutes from home, and my youngest stepson has football practice in the town on the other side of the town where I live, so that means I leave school at 3:15, drive directly to his practice and make it for 4.  I hang around and can't seem to leave because I want to be there in case he gets hurt.  It's a full-contact sport, and the danger of someone getting hurt is pretty good.  His practice ends at 6, then it's another 15 minutes to get home, then it's supper.  I've been pretty good at being prepared ahead of time and using my slow cooker to have supper prepared.  After all is said and done, it's past 7:30 and I usually have papers to correct or plans to finalize, or laundry to do before I can have some "me" time.  By then I'm usually calling it a night.  We go through this on Mondays and Wednesdays.

Those days are the only ones that I can say I have a legitimate excuse.  Tuesdays and Thursdays, and even Fridays?  I know I can always come up with an excuse, but I really don't have one.

Then there's the weekends.  This weekend was a sleepover for our youngest, and now Hubby and the oldest have gone golfing, with the youngest hanging with his friend playing video games.  Sorry, I'm not leaving these two unattended.

Feeling pretty low about lack of motivation.....

She was once motivated, but lost it.....

Three and a half years ago I was motivated to become healthier.  I chronicled part of my journey, and spoke about my losses, too: a friend who died at age 40 and my cousin who never made it to 40.  This was the year I turned 40 and I wanted to do something for myself that was good and healthy.

It began one fall evening when I cleaned up an area in the basement, set up our treadmill, and from there a workout area where I could do my Jillian Michaels' workouts, and run on the treadmill.  It continued on from there.  I got involved in running, and did my first 5K ever that spring.  This was the start of a healthy year-and-a-half.  I was healthy, fit, and happy.  I had clothes that were actually too big for me, and I was running regularly.

One school break I caught pneumonia.  My oldest stepson had it, then my youngest stepson and me.  We were eating lunch waiting for him to be able to get his X-Ray done for his lungs when I began shivering uncontrollably.  I can't remember ever being so sick in my life!  It truly debilitated me to the point that I went a long time without working out.  I was sent for a breathing test and was happy to find out that there was no damage done to my lungs.  The thing is the real issue wasn't my breathing like I thought.  I lost my motivation.  

I've tried periodically to get back to the workouts, but it's just not there.  I've tried just walking, like I've done before, but even though I have the desire to run, I can't get myself to commit to it.  

I've wanted to do a workout in the morning, but lately the morning is when I hurt the most.  At 43, I guess my body has caught up with my age.....or something like that.  I've developed Morton's Neuroma under my right foot, so finding the footwear and treatment to allow me to even walk normal without pain is a challenge.  

No matter how true my pain and discomfort may be, I can't help but feel like they're only excuses, and it frustrates me.  I hate having a spare tire, my once "too big" pants too tight, and not having clothes that fit me well.  At all.  I only have one pair of shorts I can wear, and it's because I just bought them this spring.  Let's just say that I'm not feeling so much like my best, and I know I need to do something about it.  I just wish I knew where to find my motivation again. 

It's almost like reinventing myself, I just don't know how to do it or into what.